I, Tiamat

* Tiamat, for those not in the know (or geeky enough to know), was a terrifying five-headed dragon who appeared in the Dungeons and Dragons Cartoons I devoured as a child. The following is my affectionate tribute to her and a wonderful cartoon which helped make me the loveable nerd I am.

I, Tiamat, Queen of Dragons and Keeper of the Dragon’s Graveyard hereby announce my retirement.

By that, I mean my next nap – which will last a few aeons.

It’s fun to roar and shoot fire / lightning bolts / acid / poison gas / (etc) at those irritating little kids (especially the idiot with the club*), but a dragon needs her beauty sleep.

Tell that bald little oik** not to send any kids over unless he wants ’em barbecuing.

But if the goon with the stupid-looking horn*** arrives, I might just fancy a pre-nap snack.

Yours in five-headedness,


* Bobbie, or Barbie, or whatever his name is

** Dungeon Master

*** Venger

– Ed.


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